


Fireworks

by nothing_much



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: AU, Emmerdale AU, Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2018-11-28 23:26:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11428452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothing_much/pseuds/nothing_much
Summary: They meet, stuff happens





	1. In the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Split it up in 4 chapters instead of 1, so it'll be easier to write the next couple of chapters.

I looked out the window, I suddenly caught a glance of a dark figure in the corner of my eye. Someone was walking down this dark road at night. Not so surprising in itself, but since the time was 2am. I myself had been stuck in a meeting and half across the country. Driving back in the middle of the night. I was miles away from anywhere. I stopped the car beside the figure asking if he wanted a lift. I was not in the habit of picking up strangers in the middle of the road, in the middle of the night. The boy looked at one with a suspicious glance in his eyes. And then he jumped into the car.

Silence ruled the first couple of minutes then both of us started talking at the same time. I started to introduce myself at the same time his gruff voice said “thanks mate”. I smirked. “You ‘right?” I asked. He sighed. He took a deep breath and nodded “Yeah mate”. “So you gonna tell me why you felt the need for a 2 am walk?” I asked. He scuffed and looked straight out the window. “So where are you going then?” I continued my questions. He gave a short answer “As close to Emmerdale as possible”. I smiled surprised. “That’s where I’m going” I answered “So, where then?” “Wollie” he answered. I thought for a while and then I stated, “Probably closed by now, mate”.

“Nah, live there mate” his answer came short and made me realise who he was. “Aaron then?” I asked. He looked at me with curiosity written all over his face. “I think you know my step mum, Diane, and my sister Vic” I offered. He seemed to think about the information he just got and it looked like he was searching his memories “Robert?” he tried. “Yeah, I’m Robert Sugden, mate” I answered. His blue eyes now watching me, checking me out, knowing me through the gossip in the village, and he was measuring me. I knew there were a lot of bad things said about me. I let him draw his own conclusions, it was not like I cared, was it?” “‘m not gonna kill ya, promise”. He grunted again. Smile reaching his eyes this time. Maybe I did care? Something twitched in my stomach. Silence fell again. We had half an hour drive left. The silence felt comfortable and not as awkward as it could have.

“Made a mistake” he suddenly blurted out. I looked at him in surprise before I let my eyes glide back to the dark road. “I was at a bar, followed the wrong bloke home, changed my mind and he wasn’t too happy about it, and well… I left” he fell back into silence. “Sorry” I said, not really knowing why, but I was checking him out again. My mind stuck at ‘bloke’. Then my mind turned to the rest of the sentence. “What did you mean by ‘wasn’t too happy about it’? Did he get physical?”

He flinched “I can handle myself” he answered. Silence fell again. I squirmed and nodded to myself. He looked like it. Like he could handle himself. We drove in silence and suddenly we were outside ‘The Woolpack” village pub. He looked at me and thanked me. Got out of the car, walked around the corner and disappeared into the dark. I smiled. He had the cutest ars. I started the car again and drove home. It may not have been such a bad idea to move back here.

I went into the big house at Home Farm. Headed straight to my room. This arrangement I was in with my wife - we’d split up but I still stayed there to keep up appearance. Her family, my father-in-law and her son was also living here. The business my father-in-law was head of, where I was sales manager, could apparently not take the scandal was the agreement. Chrissie my wife didn’t bother with what I did or with whom. Got her a lot of attention whenever my strays were noticed in the village. I was and always had been considered a cheat. It felt kind of strange now, but I guess I earned that reputation. People around here also blamed me for a couple of deaths a chicken race gone wrong in my teens, followed by a drowning that occurred in a party I attended. That I had been upstairs snogging my brother’s wife at the time wasn’t anything I had told anyone. Assumptions had grown into truths. As I sat down and let my mind wander back to the moments after Aaron had left the car. The sight of him leaving. It had burned into my mind. It had taken a lot of effort to stay in the car, not following him, not to grab that ars. Not even mentioning grabbing on to the rest of him. Anyway I had - suddenly - something to look forward to. With a sigh I got ready and went to bed.

As I walked into the Pub the next day I hugged my baby sister who was about - serving people. She smiled her adorable smile, and pulled me a pint while I looked around the place. In a corner two boys were sitting, pints half empty, laughing and talking excitedly. I felt a disappointed thug in my stomach. Vic - my sister - looked at me and smiled. “Wait, I’ll introduce you” she said and pulled me towards the table. “This is Adam, my boyfriend” she introduced the taller, slimmer, smiling bloke. ”And this is Aaron his BFF” She turned to the boys, and told them my name, with a short “entertain him” she left for the kitchen.

I stood there awkwardly for a while ‘til Adam told me to “have a sat”. I reached out for the closest chair and sat down. Taking a sip from my pint. “Ey, thanks again for the ride, mate” Aaron said. I looked at him all surprised as I somehow thought he wouldn’t tell anyone about his nightly adventure. I saw a small bruise that had formed on his right cheek, the one I couldn’t see in the car. “‘Ts OK” I tried to shake his stare, wondering if I wanted him to look at me like that or not. As I decided I did, Adam and him had gone back to their bickering. I listened and realised that they were discussing some joint business in which they needed an investment to get a new ‘crusher’. My listening got more intense and when Aaron excused himself to go to the ‘bog’, I decided to make my move on Adam. I talked him into letting me invest in their business. I tried to make it as it was because of him and Vic. When Aaron returned all the deal needed was the signatures (and the paper and writing). Now I had legitimate reasons to see the beautiful boy across the table. He looked even better now. And I had had to concentrate a great bit to keep my eyes of him and on the pint. Well it hadn’t been one of my most successful attempts.

Adam decided to bring me to the ‘yard’ it turned out to be a scrap yard ‘Holy Scrap’. It was situated on the ‘Dingle farm’ close to Eric and Val’s home. They had a porta cabin as an office and Adam explained that they let ‘Home James’ rent half of it. ‘Home James’ turned out to be a haulage firm run by an ex of mine, Nicola now King, and her husband Jimmy. Together with another Dingle, Charity, they ran it. Aaron had stayed back at the pub, but as my guided tour of the porta cabin ended, he walked on to the yard.

I was really way too aware of him. At the same time as it was a bit annoying it felt good. Really good. But I had to admit to myself: my life was a mess and I didn’t want to add any more trouble to it. He was new and exciting but it was probably not worth the hassle. It would - like my prior relationships - both with men and women, end in tears. On his part when I lost interest. I knew I had a low threshold for keeping my interest. The longest relationship I had ever been in was with Chrissie, my soon to be ex-wife. And that was probably on account of two things. Her inability to see my flaws, such as cheating on her and the money. But it hadn’t been long after the wedding she accidentally taken the wrong laptop, and since we shared accounts, she could easily log on and found the pictures and e-mails on my private hard drive. That had been it.

As I left the porta cabin I realised that during my whole reflection session I had watched Aaron through the barred windows. He moved around in the yard seemingly busy with checking things of a list he picked up on the outside of the door. I managed to catch his eye as I left, I smirked and winked at him. He looked as I had hit him over the head and it left a weird feeling in my gut. Almost like guilt. What had I to be guilty about?

As I walked in through the door at Home Farm, I met Chrissie and her son - Lachlan. They looked at me with distaste and I realised I had got oil stains all over when I’d sat down in the porta cabin. I should have never gone around the yard with Adam either. I quickly left for my room and took a hot shower, blocking out the pictures that somehow felt like they were etched on the inside on my eyelids.

I put a maroon suit on and got properly dressed, and walked back into the kitchen, where Chrissie and Lachlan were discussing dinner. As I arrived to the counter they had decided that a family dinner at ‘The Woolpack’ was the best option. Lawrence, my father-in-law didn’t object. Neither did I at the prospect of seeing Aaron again without having to make up some silly excuse. If I wanted him though, I’d have to act on it soon. I usually got what I wanted.

Family dinner at ‘the Wollie’ was a disaster. Chrissie was playing the loving wife, and perfect mother. Aaron was there. I couldn’t but shoot occasional glances at him, and try to get a glimpse of him. He seemed caught up though, with Adam and Chas, his mother. Him and Adam seemed to argue. Chas seemed to be on Adam’s side which seemed to annoy Aaron. Suddenly I saw him glancing my way. Met my eyes for a moment and gave up. Adam patted his back and took his phone as Aaron went into the back room, the living quarters. I knew them since Diane had brought me here as a teen. He was gone for half an hour. We had finished our meal and Chrissie wanted to go home. But as Lachlan wanted to stay, so did we all.

When he came back, he had changed from his work clothes. His image hit me like a bullet to the head. He was wearing black again, slim well-fitting jeans, and a black tee under a hoodie. He was clearly hitting the clubs with Adam. I wondered about their relationship and felt a short bang of jealousy. A feeling I wasn’t used to. As they went out the door I felt an urge to go after them, to join them. But I didn’t. I’d promised Chrissie to keep appearances. I suddenly felt how very tired I was. As we went out to go to the car I captured a glimpse of a taxi leaving the pub.

Night came, and so did dark. With dark came restlessness. I tried to fall asleep. As I relaxed and floated away my head filled with images from the day, mostly images of Aaron and I tensed up again. I thought of him and Adam in a club. Why had he gone, when he clearly didn’t want to? I could understand why he didn’t’. An image of his flat stomach and bulging arms suddenly filled my mind. I tried to get it out and decided I had to make a move as soon as possible. He was gay. I was a man, used to getting what I wanted. I knew I was attractive. I had charm and I could wrap anyone around my finger. That’s why Lawrence and Chrissie kept me around. I could sell ice to Eskimoes, or sand in a dessert. I wanted Aaron. He would want me.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up early. Decided to go to the scrap yard to talk with Adam about the investment. I knew I could motivate it as goodwill or something to Lawrence, to make him cough up the money, but I thought it would be better if it came from me. Looking like I done it to support local business. As I dressed I put on my knitted grey shirt and a blazer. I had been told it brought out the colour in my eyes. Jeans and loafers ended the outfit. As I had my breckie Lachlan walked in. We hadn’t talked for a while. He had been angry with me since his mother and I broke up. He asked me where I was going and when he heard he asked for a lift into Emmerdale. I looked at him curiously. He hadn’t shown any interest for the village, which he called a dump, or the people here, from day one. I wondered about the change. As we drove into the village he asked me to drive him up to the village shop ‘David’s’. I did. As Alicia, David’s fiancé walked out to talk to Lachlan I smiled a little and understood the draw.

As I drove on to the scrapyard I suddenly had a realisation. Alicia, beautiful, young and fit. Why was it, I didn’t even flirt with her? Or try to take advantage of that she was just ‘my type’. She was tall, skinny, dark and beautiful. I hadn’t even noticed her in the pub the night before. Only knowing she was there as I remember David speaking to Chrissie about business and someone who Lachlan paid a lot of attention to, standing beside him, must have been her. I had been totally focused on Aaron. It made me want to think about it, but Hey! I was at the scrapyard now. Closer to him, and could speak to him instead. As I stepped out of the car I observed that the yard seemed to be empty.

As I walked up to the porta cabin I got worried it may be empty. That there was no one in. But as I knocked on the door and walked in I found him there. Sitting in the dark by himself. “You alone?” I asked and looked around. He nodded. He looked grumpy. I realised that it was how he came across. I knew how I came across. I had enough strangers punch my face on nights out - just getting annoyed with my face while drunk. It was punishable. “So, ‘s up” I asked. He looked glum. “Had a great night out?” I continued my questions. Couldn’t really stop. I wanted to comfort him. The urge felt overwhelming. He looked up. “Not really” he answered “that guy was there, and I couldn’t enjoy meself” There was a pause “Adam had to get me out of there and we went to another pub” he continued to tell me about this other pub where they had run into Adam’s ex. He continued to talk but I had zoned out. I looked at his lips moving and couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I moved closer as he talked. He didn’t seem to notice. I couldn’t take my eyes of the lips. I knew it was wrong. I stopped and sat down on his table feeling my body react and act on my urges. My lips and mouth was getting dry and my breath catching. Not to speak of what happened inside my now very tight jeans. Suddenly I realised that it was completely silent in the room. I had been so absorbed in my own reactions I had no clue what happened. I looked up and with a “sorry” I tried to get a grip. He looked annoyed and repeated his question “are all straight guys afraid of their exes?” he asked harshly. I looked confused, or at least felt it. “Wouldn’t know” I blurted out “not straight!” I continued as he watched me with the annoyed look of someone who had been let down. He took a moment to let my answer sink in. “Oh, ok” He muttered looking confused. I knew why. I was married. I had no history, at least in the village, of affairs or relationships with men. No rumours of that at least. He bit his lip. It took all I had not to throw myself at him, on him. I tried to breath. He lifted his eyes and looked at me, still chewing his lip. His facial hair didn’t do much to slow down my breathing. Usually I liked men clean shaven. But Aaron looked so hot in his ‘two day shadow’. I still couldn’t breathe right. My jeans were killing me. Aaron looked at me strangely now. I knew I was losing it but I didn’t know what to do.

He rose to his feet. Heading for the door. As he walked by me I tried to grab him, but he was out the door sooner than I could. “Shitshitshit” I tried to focus on something to get a grip. There was a picture on the wall. Colours. I tried to get my breath straight and focus on the colours. When I finally did, it surprised me to be a half-naked lady in a provocative pose. It did calm me down, and make me wonder. It should have excited me. A noise at the door made me realise I wasn’t alone. Aaron had walked in again. I tried to focus. He watched me and I realised he saw me looking at the poster on the wall. His face suddenly with an expression of understanding. I realised that he explained my arousal to himself depending on the stupid picture. I rose to my feet. As he turned around I saw him put a kettle on. He had been out to get water for some brew. I went back, sat down on a chair opposite his desk. Tried to focus on my breathing. He made us each a cupper.

“So, why’re you here?” he asked. I hesitated. “Spoke with Adam yesterday, ‘bout an investment” I said. He looked at me and I tried to focus at something else than his lips, that was what had gotten me in the mess before. His eyes. That was even worse. He had the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. I drowned. Got lost. He scuffed and turned around, finished the brew and handed me the cup. “Sugar?” he asked. I focused on the hot beverage and found myself again. This was weird and my “no” sounded hoarse. Last time I remembered feeling like this I was about fifteen or sixteen and Nicola had invited me home while she was having it on with someone else. I felt like that awkward teenager all over again. “So” he said, “an investment?” I started to tell him what I told Adam yesterday and he nodded and hummed. It was surprisingly easy, counting in my weird feeling and problem to focus - I kept my focus on my brew as I spoke. As I finished speaking he said he’d talk to Adam about it when he’d return to the yard, he was, Aaron explained, out on a job.

As Aaron stood up, explaining he had to continue I felt rejected, and stupid. As he walked me the short way to the door I was madly trying to figure out what to do. As we reached the door he reached out for the handle and I reached out for his hand. I grabbed it before he could open the door. Took it and turned him around. He looked at me with his blue eyes wide with apprehension. I couldn’t think as I drew him in close and pressed my lips against his. It felt like. It felt like. Home. It felt like home. I felt him soften. My hands grasping his face. His hands on my arms. His lips to mine. My tongue parting his lips and invading his mouth. My body trying to get as close as possible. The world closing in. Two bodies. His and mine. Suddenly interrupted by someone trying to open the door and making a lot of noise. Adam. Aaron jumped back as I realised it was my back up against the door. As I let the world in I saw Aaron sat on a chair and felt my body being pushed forward as Adam made his way in “Sorry! I panted. He looked at me with prying eyes. As Aaron sat away from me he continued forward and stated “ ‘lright?” in Aaron’s direction. Aaron didn’t look at him and just grunted. If I read Adam’s face right this was a usual response.

I was glad he didn’t pay me much attention as I had to think about cold showers, winter ice and stuff to calm down. As he turned around I was almost my usual cool self, almost.

“So” I said “investment” Adam straightened up. “Is ten grand enough for your crusher?” Adam smiled and nodded. He turned to Aaron and summarized our conversation from yesterday, or was it the day before. I had no clue. My life had fallen apart since I met Aaron.

As I started to leave I told them to talk it over and if they agreed to meet me for lunch in a couple of hours in the Wollie, my treat. They agreed and I went out to my car. I sat down. Drove to Vic’s place and stopped the engine. Closed my eyes and relived that kiss. It felt like a moment later when someone knocked at the window. It was Vic. She was on her way across the street to the pub. As I opened my car door and got out she asked how I was and why I was sleeping in her parking space. I told her I’d been at the scrap yard discussing business and that I hadn’t slept well. I asked her if she could make some of my favourite food for lunch for me, Adam and Aaron. She told me Lasagne was today’s special so not to worry, she’d make some of her secret recipe for us. I thanked her and asked if it was ok to stay for some shut eye in the car. She nodded and skipped of. I went back in and sat down. Put an alarm on my mobile and tried to sleep. As soon as I shut my eyes the kiss started to replay in my consciousness over and over again. I’d never experienced this before. I put my hand on my crotch, trying to calm things down, but it had the complete opposite effect. I squirmed and moved my hands. I thought about opening my fly and get the fabric of myself. Then I reminded myself of where I was. As I came to terms with not sleeping in the car I picked my phone up and tried to occupy myself with social media and news. As my regular surf sights were done I turned to Instagram and Facebook. Instagram wasn’t any good. On Facebook at least I found a profile belonging to Aaron. He wasn’t active. I scrolled by all the birthday wishes for this year. I only found four entries of his. All four pictures. All four about two years old. And all four pictured a bloke obviously called Ed. I grinded my teeth. There wasn’t even a picture of himself on there.

It was the slowest two hours of my life. As the alarm kicked off I slowly got out and went to the pub. It was still early and I sat down in a booth. Vic came out and she brought me a pint. She looked me in the eyes and told me I looked weird. That’s sisters for you I thought. As she seemed to have free time I asked her about Adam, trying not to let my jealousy show through. As she told me the story of them, I also got a lot of information about Aaron, since he seemed to be a great part of their life. I craved the information on him, especially after this morning. As she was closing up to the recent events, Chas called for her, playtime was over. Food orders started to pile up and since she was alone in the kitchen today she didn’t have any possible way to skive off.

As she went, I relaxed. It took more than she knew not to concentrate all my questions on Aaron. I felt very single minded as I took a sip of my pint.

Minutes turned into an hour, two. I started to think they wouldn’t show, but when they did, it was with the usual ease and laughter. I felt my breath quicken and my chest tighten. Vic was in the bar and I nodded to her. As Adam and then Aaron came to my table. I invited them to sit and Vic almost immediately came up with a pint each. They looked at her and asked her for today’s specials. She smiled and shrugged. I told them that I’d already ordered for them.

Vic went back to the kitchen. Both boys looked at me in surprise, and I smiled. “It’s cool, she would have told me if she thought you wouldn’t approve” I smiled and Adam grinned. Aaron rose and went to the back of the bar. Surprised I looked at Adam, he smiled, and “Aaron doesn’t like surprises” he said. A few moments later Aaron was back. It was obvious he’d been in the kitchen.

“Well” Adam said we had eaten our Lasagne in silence. “Well, we are up for that investment, if you are” Adam looked happy. Aaron didn’t. I wondered what or rather how Adam had persuaded Aaron, who didn’t look up.

As Adam left for the bog I tried to communicate with Aaron. He had been silent during the whole meal. Looking nothing but grumpy. For the first time in ages I felt unsure of myself. “What’s wrong?” I asked finally getting a reaction - and an answer. “I don’t like being messed around” I looked at him tried to look earnest and answered “I’m not messing you around”. He grunted. And suddenly there was Adam. Back. I grunted. He smirked. “Got to go, I’m late” he stated, and rose, and went. I looked at Adam in surprise. “He works a few afternoons a month in Cain’s garage” he offered as information. I sighed and focused on here and now as I started to discuss the investment. Should I buy the machine and lend them the money or buy into the business. As Adam and I discussed this he made sure I knew the deal would be off if Aaron didn’t agree. I was cool with that and told him so. I asked how come they were friends and how they got on. Adam was happy to talk about their friendship and told me everything from the start until now. I could tell he left a lot of things out but I didn’t dare to press on it. Anyway he told me a lot of things I things I think he wouldn’t have had I not been Vic’s brother. As if he thought I already knew. The more he told me the more I wanted to know. It was a completely new feeling for me. At the end of our conversation I knew as much about him, as I did his sisters and Aaron. I still hadn’t figured out the relationship between them, and I felt annoyed that I still cared. As for Adam he rose to leave for the scrap yard. I followed him out to get to my car, suddenly knowing exactly how to see Aaron again, sooner than I thought.

I drove up to the garage, seeing and recognising Cain as he took in my car, an Audi R8. Didn’t usually come here, to his small countryside garage. I made up a problem with it knowing Cain would want to do work on it himself. Thinking I would get time to approach Aaron. As I looked around in the garage it became obvious that there were no workers in. just Cain. As he popped the hood, and started looking at the parts I sighed. “Nice place” I offered. Cain grunted. So now I knew where he got it from. “Many staff?” I asked. He ignored me but pride got the better of him and he answered “Well, there is me and Debbie, then there is Dan, and Aaron, who helps out when needed” I looked at him. “They are on a call out” he continued, “and Debbie is home with her kids” I smiled, “so you’re a grandpa now?” I teased, knowing full well since the kids were my brothers. He didn’t smile (I hadn’t expected him to) As he looked down on my engine he told me it was perfect and if I heard a noise from it, I’d probably imagined it, as I knew but that it was time for an oil change. I agreed and let him get on with it. I found some chairs and sat down and closed my eyes and relived the morning and the kiss… again. It felt weird I never been so upset by a kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up with a sudden new noise. As I opened my eyes I saw Cain still working with my car and as I moved my eyes a man I knew must be Dan moved into my sight. No one else to be seen. Suddenly Cain let out a holler “Aaron, make us some brew, mate” I tensed. My whole body became stiff, before I relaxed, well almost all of me. Aaron was by my side putting the kettle on. I smiled as I figured out that he was trying to ignore me. He looked different, his overall in a knot around his waist and a white - well whitish - tee on. I closed my eyes again. Aaron in an overall was almost more than I could take. I closed my eyes again, trying to get away from the urge to rip his clothes off.

He looked at me, and sat down on one of the chairs. I tried to play it cool and not to stare, so I wouldn’t make him feel uncomfortable. Suddenly a wide smile crossed my lips. It was as if I was a worried virgin. And in reality I was as far away from that notion anyone could come. He didn’t look at me. “So” I said, “You’re a really good kisser”. He looked at me in shock as if he thought I wouldn’t mention or talk about that. I smiled. He gruffed again. “Are we going to get another shot at it?” I asked. He winced and closed his eyes a brief moment. Then he spoke. I couldn’t hear a word but he seemed to have said his piece. I looked at him. Quite confused. He realised I hadn’t heard and repeated what he said in the pub, “I don’t like being messed around” then he turned to the kettle and started to make the tea and coffee for himself, Dan and Cain. I looked at him and also repeated my statement from then, “Well, as I said, I’m not messing you around”. He grinded his teeth. We just had lunch. It was still early. He wouldn’t get of work yet I figured. “I’m going to be at the pub” I said, “when you’re done, I’ll meet you in there and we can go for a drink, if Cain ever gets ready with my car” I said and smiled. “Maybe” he said and took the cups to the others, he didn’t return. Cain looked up and said “if you wanna go to the pub, give me your keys and I’ll park her outside and see to it you’ll get your keys. We can settle up tomorrow” I agreed and went back to the pub. As I arrived I met Vic she invited me into the kitchen now that the lunch rush had passed. I sat down on a chair trying to figure out how to get her to spill the most information about Aaron. I told her my car was in the garage and that was it. She started to talk, and it was mostly about Aaron. It turned out she was in quite a state worrying about him. I tried to absorb the ‘right kind’ of info but as she spoke my feelings got involved and I started to understand why she was worrying. Especially as I thought of our first meeting.

He had it though, been left, kicked out and well just ignored for much of his life. Tried to kill himself when he figured out he was gay and found his way back. I was more intrigued than I thought I’d be. More than I wanted to, or should be. Vic kept talking. Suddenly she stopped and no more information about Aaron was offered. I started to ask her about her and Adam, and she started talking again. I felt relaxed and listened to her with half an ear, she didn’t seem to notice.

It was 4pm when I made it out of the kitchen. I’d been invited for a family dinner the next day with her Diane and my adopted brother Andy. She would text me where and when. As I slid into the pub I ordered a pint from Chas who was behind the bar. I sat down at an empty table left to my own thoughts. The pub started to fill up. Suddenly someone sat in front of me I looked up and realised it was Aaron. He smelled fresh even in the pub, so I figured he left work and had had a shower. His clothes looked fresh too. White shirt, black skinny jeans and a hoodie. Gelled back hair. As he realised I came to he rattled my car keys in front of me. I smiled and rose. “Let’s go for a drive” I said.

As we got close to the car I realised or rather thought of the fact I wasn’t in the right place to drive, so when he handed me the keys I looked at him, and asked if he could do the driving letting him not only take the driver’s seat, but giving him power over what would happen. He smiled and nodded. As we climbed into the car that I never ever let anybody else ever drive I felt comfortable and calm. “Where to?” he asked “Anywhere” I answered, relaxing in the passenger’s seat and closing my eyes.

When I woke up it was all dark and quiet. I looked around. In the driver’s seat was Aaron, he seemed to be sleeping. It was pitch black outside. I reached out touching him. He didn’t respond. I took his hand in mine, kissed it and looked back and relaxed. It was midnight. I was shocked. We left the village around 4pm. What had happened? As I moved around Aaron started to wake up. As he did, I held on to his hand. Minutes later he looked at me and smiled. “What happened?” I asked. “Well, you fell asleep” he answered “and since I was tired too, I parked in a layby”. I had to ask him where we were, I felt puzzled. He smiled - an actual smile that reached his blue eyes making butterflies wake in my stomach. “You know when you drive out of Emmerdale on the Hotten route?” He answered. I just looked at him. “The first layby, two minutes from the Wollie” he said “that’s where we are” I looked at him in total shock. He smiled back.

Silence fell. He smirked. “You were tired?” He finally asked, seconds, minutes, hours later. “Yeah” I said. “So, we got a smile on us since the Wollie?” I asked and was rewarded with a smile. He nodded. I opened the car door and got out. Aaron got out on the other side of the car. “I must have slept about 6 hours what did you do?” He looked embarrassed and just stated “slept”.

I stared at him, not questioning his answer out loud. “So what now” I said. “Donno” came a short answer. I walked towards the car again and sat town on the bonnet. It was pitch dark, again. I could feel Aaron approach me. He said naught, rested his posture beside me. “You’re straight” It wasn’t a question rather a statement. He continued talking “and you are married” I swallowed “If I wasn’t?” I asked and smiled a little and my eyes got stuck on his lips again. “If you were single and gay, I’d asked you out on a date” he replied. “But since you’re not, I let you sleep and drove you home” He said and started walking. My head was totally out of it, was he caring? I shuddered. “Aaron” called. He kept walking. I rushed towards him. Grabbed his arm and turned him around. My hand just grabbing his face and my lips crushing down on his.

It felt like hours. Days. It was over in a couple of seconds as Aaron pulled away, looking at me, then suddenly he pulled me in again and as our lips met everything else stopped. Suddenly I was the insecure one, living for his kiss, his lips, his touch. My hands was as earlier stuck on his face. Don’t know why, but I didn’t wanna move them. His hands was another story. They started in my hair, moved down my neck and my arms, up again, had a brief stop on my chest caressing my nipples going down to my hips. Just stopping at the hem of the jeans. I felt faint, as he rested his forehead against mine, and pressed his body to mine. His hands continued their restless travels on my body. His left hand suddenly appearing on my face as his right hand continued down my body. I knew where it was aiming, but the anticipation almost killed me. As his hand reached the front of my jeans, I could only pant. I frantically to form my body to his. His mouth never having left mine.

Again he broke the touch. Took a deep breath and started to walk away. Leaving me behind. I groaned. Sunk to the ground and sat. I heard him leaving. His footsteps disappear. Him leaving. Me a mess. I sat there leaning against the car. Head in my hands. The hard on in my jeans thumping. “Aaron” I called out. Desperate. Needing. As there was no response I stayed sat, head in my hands. Just trying to grasp what had happened. Where was I? And well… who was I now? My entire life, happiness and so on seemed to rely on this one name, this one person, Aaron. It did seem fair. Like karma laughed at me and gave me back what lots of former lovers felt. At the same time I felt like dying. “Aaron” I called out in the darkness, again. Not even remotely hoping for an answer. He was gone. I closed my eyes. I felt my body shiver still excited. I was hard, and tingly all over. The night closed in. I closed my eyes again and my mind lingered on the all the things that happened today. Well it lingered on Aaron. I felt a tear on my cheek. The karma bus, as an ex had put it, picked me up tonight. Revenge was on all the ones I left behind.


	4. Chapter 4

As I sat there, suddenly I realised I wasn’t alone. “Get in the car” a gruff voice said. I got up and tried my best to get in. I sat down and fastened my seatbelt. I closed my eyes. Tears streaming. I felt the car starting and going. It was quiet. “Where do you want to go” asked the gruff voice that I hoped was Aaron. “Nowhere” I answered truthfully. “I got nowhere to go. Nowhere safe” I drifted off again. The car stopped. I was still sloped, lost and just plain beaten in the passenger's seat. I didn’t know where we were or why. The car parked and Aaron got out. He disappeared for a while before appearing at my door opening it and looking at me. Since I’m done, beaten and just lost, I sit there. “Robert, come on” I try. He helps me out of the car. I don’t know where we are. I can’t recognise the surroundings. I just want to give up. The feeling in my body is nought other than tiredness. And it goes into the bones. As I look up I realise we’re at Home Farm. Aaron is leading me to the front door. He stops in front of it. “Can you find your keys, or do you want me to use the doorbell?” he asks. I just slope down and he has to help me getting on my feet again. I get the time to think. I don’t care. I mumble something about my keys. I don’t even know what I’m saying but he seems to understand. Suddenly (for me) we’re in the ‘big house’ at Home Farm and he keeps asking what way and promising he’ll just leave me outside Chrissies door. That no one will know. I sigh. I point the way to my room. As he finds it, he is suddenly still and I don’t know really what to do. I sigh again. Let him in on the secret. “Aaron, this is my room, no one else lives in here, it’s complicated” He sighs. I can feel a weight of his shoulders - and body. He helps me into my room. I collapse on the floor just behind the door. He tries to get me to stand up again. I refuse. “Robert” he says “If you stay there, I can’t get out” Sounds like a plan to me. It makes me feel childish and I resolve to make him stay. “Robert, it’s time to sleep, let’s get you out of these clothes and into bed” As he speaks I see him looking around, realising I live in a small room with a small bed, and it seems to be far from what or where anyone would expect the White family to live. Like the servants quarters. I can see him taking that in.

I slope to the floor again feeling ashamed of what he learned about me, about my marriage. As I sit there sloped to the wall I suddenly feel the closeness of someone else. Someone’s skin next to mine and I hear someone breathe. Aaron. He is still here. Still in my close proximity and still breathing next to me. I rise my head and look at him. He is sitting beside me looking forward in an absent way. “Aaron” I ask. He doesn’t respond. “Aaron” I press. He turns and looks at me. I can feel my whole body responding to that look.

Now it’s him looking beat and lost. I move closer on the floor. “Aaron” I repeat. Something is definitely wrong. “Get up” I say and together we rise to standing. I get him into my en-suite and as he looks down into the sink, I look for one of those toothbrushes I picked up in some random place. I put toothpaste on it and orders him to brush and I pick up my own toothbrush - we brush our teeth - together. After we’re done, I start the shower and try to undress him. All the while persuading him to take a shower and that I won’t intrude. He lets me undress him but refuses to help. As he is standing in my bathroom totally bare, except for a pair of boxers and a tee which I can’t seem to get him to get out of his shoulders suddenly relaxes again. Taking his last garments of he slowly walks into the shower. And even if I try not to notice or pretend I don’t bother, the first image of a naked Aaron will never leave my mind. When he got in the shower I started to really worry about the change that Aaron suddenly showed. It went from me being almost gone, too - after entering my room - him being lost. I heard him trying to get out of the shower. I found a towel and went into the shower myself. After a short while I turned it off “ ‘kay?” I asked. He didn’t respond. I decided to tuck him into my bed. I could sleep on the floor. As I made the bed and tucked him in my desire for him almost burst but I held it back, telling him where I’d be if he needed me. He didn’t answer. Just looked into nothing and relaxed.

In the dark hours of the morning I was woken up by sobs. I had slept for at least a couple of hours when I heard the first sob. It took me a while to realise what it was. I sat up and moved closer to my bed. Aaron in my bed. He was awake. Crying. I looked at him from the floor. He took one of my hands and pulled me up, and into the bed. I tried to get my act together only able to picture a naked Aaron in the shower to myself. As I sat there in the bed, beside him, Aaron seemed to lighten up. He turned his body to mine and looked at me. I tried to look him in the eye but failed miserably as I at first glance parted my lips and lent forward to kiss him. I closed my eyes in agony as I realised what I’d done. Immediately surprised by lips on mine. Opening my eyes to see his blue eyes meeting mine. As the kiss grew longer and my tongue trashed into his mouth so did my confidence and I opened my eyes for real. For the first time seeing Aaron’s face feeling his body next to mine. As I sighed, I heard a similar noise from him. I felt his hands on my sides, going up and down. I felt his lips to mine, and his body screaming my name “Aaron” I sighed. He seemed to give in. I pushed him gently forward and laid him down in my bed. He collapsed. I didn’t really know what to do but I didn’t care. I had everything I ever wanted in this small bed in front of me. As I hovered over Aaron and came in for a kiss. He met my lips and sighed again. I stroked his face and my hands headed for his neck, before I resolutely stole a pillow and reached for the bed throw and left him panting in my bed. Making a nest for myself on the floor tucking myself in trying to go to sleep. Silence surrounded us. Mine. His and a general silence. It wasn’t awkward. Yet.

“So, what’s this about” I heard his gruff voice from my bed. “What” I chuckled. Knowing precisely what he meant. “You having your own room and a single bed” he pressed. I told him about splitting up, and keeping appearance. I could hear him relax, in a deep exhale. “So” I heard a cheeky tone in his voice “are you going to come up here, or am I going to have to go down there?” My heart definitely skipped a beat.

He rolled of the bed onto the floor with a cheeky grin on his face and finally their lips locked in a kiss that made fireworks explode within his body. He felt like going mad with want.

Robert started to rip the hem of the other man’s T-shirt. Trying to undress him wanting skin underneath his hands instead of fabric. He felt Aaron starting on the buttons of his shirt. Since Aaron’s arms didn’t go up, Robert started on his belt buckle instead. With more success. The button and zipper followed. He moved his hands down to try to reach to get Aaron out of his pants and briefs. He was pinned against the floor so it was a challenge in itself. Finally Aaron was done with his shirt and Robert had to let go of the other man’s pants as he ripped the shirt off. Moments later they were both naked.

Robert opened his eyes. It was dark. He was on the floor. He was definitely naked. Those things he recognised immediately. But the hand on his chest and the warm body beside him took a few moments to identify. Aaron he thought, smiled and went back to sleep.

When he woke up the next time, he was alone on the floor. Still naked. He felt disappointed. He sat up, and as he realised that he wasn’t alone he smiled again. Aaron was asleep on his bed. Looking more gorgeous than ever. As he was looking Aaron started to wake up. Their eyes met and Robert was surprised again by the colour of blue in Aaron’s eyes.

As their eyes looked he saw how the other man’s eyes filled with lust and realised they mirrored his own. He moved towards the bed. Arms reached for him and pulled him closer. The next moment lips were glued to lips and the fireworks started again. Last night -this- had been amazing. Much better than expected. Nothing had prepared him for it. He needed to experience it again. He never wanted it to stop.

Amazing. He felt amazing. This had to be what heaven felt like. He felt spent, exhausted, and truly well ridden. And amazing. Half his body was covered with another body, also exhausted. Unconscious by sleep. No other thoughts in his system but the touch of the skin and the weight of the other man on him. As he fell under the spell of sleep his last thought was with Aaron.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, it happened, another chapter. Now I know where I'm going with this

None of them had a good night’s sleep, both of them head filled with the other, it didn’t take long for Robert to climb into Aaron’s space. After a while they woke up with hands exploring, and lips in places they didn’t expect to ever make them wake up, ever. It was a one night wonder, not even close to a one night stand. 

Aaron felt like he was in heaven, again and again. He couldn’t really find his feet. Every Time he thought things would calm down and they were done, there was lips in places he couldn’t resist, or hands, or well he himself found a sweet spot, that was really irresistible. Around 4 am, they both fell into a sleep resembling uncontinuousness. 

As he woke up, Aaron felt like he’d ran a marathon. His body spent, and another body within reaching distance. He threw out an arm, and felt a firm torso under it. He remembered everything. As he came into consciousness he heard movement in the surroundings. Voices and footsteps outside the door. He felt his subconscious tell him that he should disappear, that this was a one night stand, and that Robert wouldn’t even look at him this morning. That Robert had just felt lonely. Because circumstances. As he laid back he felt Robert start to stir. His hands touching his body, and nuzzling into him. He took advantage of the feeling and smiled. Robert looked dazed as he woke up, and they looked eyes. Robert’s lips found the sweet spot on his neck that had made him go half-crazy during the night. 

Suddenly they were all lips, hands, and panting. There was a swift knock on the door, and a female voice loudly stated “30 minutes ‘til your meeting!” Aaron gathered himself and tried to make Robert remember his duties. Robert heard the voice, but he didn’t want to respond. All his concentration went to the man and the body close to him. A hand job later Robert tried to get out of bed. He rose, took a new pair of boxers from a drawer and disappeared for a while. 

I laid back and tried to relax, as I tried to think of getting out of the house unnoticed. I wondered if Robert had thought of that. He laid back and waited for him to return, so he could ask. When Robert returned he was dressed in a suit, and looked gorgeous. Aaron asked him how he was supposed to get out unseen. Robert just smiled, and told him no one would care, and offered me to leave with him. I quickly got dressed and followed him out.   
*  
As they walked out of the big house, there were no one around to see them. Aaron was amazed that no one seemed to care about Robert, unless it was business. The silence between them was not really awkward, but it wasn’t comfortable either. Robert asked if he wanted a ride to the village, and he accepted. In the car Aaron started fidgeting and Robert shot him a glance. The silence was broken by Robert, he didn’t really want this, what it was, to be over, so he asked Aaron if he wanted to meet up for drinks later. Aaron stopped fidgeting, and nodded his head. They agreed to meet up at the pub, and take a taxi into town.

When Aaron came home his mother was all over him, told him she’d been worried, and asked where he’d been. He gave her the usual treatment, and answered her questions with monosyllables. Didn’t offer any information neither to the questions about where he’d been, or the ones about who he’d seen, or been with. She soon stopped asking, and Aaron went up to his room to try to get some shut eye.

When he woke up he showered, and changed clothes. He took some time to gel his hair, and then went down to the pub. His mum offered him a pint, and he sat down at the end of the bar, and played with his phone until Robert showed up. He nodded, and Aaron rose, told his mother good bye, and left, Robert following. They got in the taxi and Robert told the driver where to go. They had both opted for the back seat, and thighs were touching, and soon hands. 

Aaron was expecting Robert to bring him to a pub or bar, but he brought him to a nice restaurant, and proved to have booked a table for them. Like a date. They ordered and while they waited, the tension released and they got started talking in a relaxed way about different topics. Aaron was having a difficult time to concentrate on anything but Robert’s lips and what he wanted them to do, while he was talking or drinking. He tried to yank his eyes from the very interesting sight, and saw the food arriving. The waiter was polite and soon left them alone again. When they started eating the silence returned, but Aaron still had a tough time, not watching Roberts lips, and suddenly realised that his hands also should be off limits looking at. He remembered what Robert could do with his hands. 

Aaron tried to gather his head. If Robert noticed the way Aaron looked at him, he didn’t give anything away. He seemed like he was caught up in the moment and really enjoying dinner with Aaron. When they had cleaned their plates, and had another beer each, Aaron started to wonder what would happen after they’d finished. Did Robert have anything else planned, or would he want to leave. 

When Robert paid up, and they both put their coats back on, Aaron looked at Robert with questioning eyes. He saw a smirk form on Robert’s lips, and tried not to show how he felt both dazed and confused. The fresh evening air helped him to gather himself. Robert seemed to have somewhere in mind as they walked down the road. 

The pub they entered was pretty empty, so they found a table and sat down with a pint each. Aaron was happy to find that Robert sat beside him, instead of opposite. The music was not too loud, and they could talk without raising their voices. They leant close together and spoke with soft voices. Aaron felt Robert’s hand on his thigh, and it felt good.  
*  
Robert had planned the night as a date, he was hoping to end the night in bed. With Aaron. He had never been so nervous before meeting someone for a night out. He had reserved a table at a restaurant he hoped that Aaron would like, and planned to move on to a pub afterwards, but he worried if Aaron had his own plans, and if he’d enjoy spending time with him. He was perceived as arrogant, sarcastic and he knew about his reputation in the village. 

Dinner went fine. At the pub, Aaron didn’t seem to reject him when he sat beside him. They had plenty to talk about, and he couldn’t resist touching him, and his hands found themselves on his thighs. His arm was tingling, and he couldn’t help it, and started stroking the body beneath. He felt a rush of anticipation. He hadn’t felt this way since his first crush as a young boy. Aaron’s leg moved closer, to give his hand more space to roam. 

He took a sip from his beer, and wondered if he could suggest they go home, they hadn’t even had half a pint yet. Suddenly he felt Aaron rise from the seat. He turned his back on Robert and started walking to the door. Robert felt unsure of what he was supposed to do. Then Aaron turned around, met his eyes, and winked. Robert got to his feet and followed the man out the door, where he called a taxi, and the got walking to meet up with it. When they got in, Aaron looked expectantly at Robert, who told the driver where to go, and then he sat back and closed his eyes for a moment. He just couldn’t believe his luck that it was happening, again. He was going to take Aaron to his bed.

When they got to the house, it was lit up. There seemed to be a party or something going on inside. Robert frowned. Aaron looked at him. “You want to take your chances on sneaking into the pub” he asked. Robert nodded and gave the chauffeur new directions. He let them of in the village instead. Aaron went in to the pub, found his mother and Diane there, and went into the back. He let Robert in, and they snuck upstairs.


	6. Chapter 6

As they snuck in to the pub they were very careful even though they stopped a couple of times to let lips meet and touch each other. Inside Aarons room they locked the door and Robert pushed Aaron up against it, body firm against him, both hands on his face and lips glued to his. All Aaron could think about was getting to the bed, but how hard he tried to get them to move there, his back was as glued to the door, as Robert’s lips were glued to his. He moaned quietly and pressed his body closer to Robert’s, while starting to undress the him. One of the hands let go of his face and started to roam his body. It didn’t take long for them to get naked. A sound from the hallway, made Robert move so that Aaron could guide him towards the bed.

A soft knock on the door and someone (his mother) whispering “Aaron, is that you?” made it through the feverish arousal, and Aaron tried to voice an answer, but in the end he just didn’t. On top of him he could feel Robert draw in a breath, and try to answer the question, Aaron let his lips quiet the other man. And the only sounds from the bed after that were quiet moans, groans and blissed out sighs the sound of bodies slamming together, and mouths exchanging sloppy kisses.

No one could claim they awoke well rested in the morning. But they awoke in each other’s arms and that was quite enough. Soft kisses and touches woke them both up, and it didn’t take long for them to forget about the outside world. They were totally absorbed with each other. Far away there were noises, a repeated knocking but they didn’t care, and after a while it stopped. Then a phone started buzzing. They took no notice. A shrill voice yelled from the door “Aaron, I know you’re in there, if you don’t answer I will go get my key and come in there!” Both of them froze.

“Mum, I’m here, now leave me alone” Aaron finally gathered his voice enough to answer. His eyes locked with Roberts. Both of them fearing the intrusion. None of them caring enough to get up. “Do you have company?” his mum asked. Aaron groaned aloud as Robert moved on top of him. His attention moved away from the voice and he engaged in Robert again. No thought of anything else.

As the morning progressed and the afterglow settled Aaron realised that there would be a problem. At Home Farm no one cared when he left. They didn’t even gossip about it. No weird looks, nothing hinted that anyone in the village knew anything about the means of their relationship. He knew how village gossip worked, and he knew how his mother worked. She would be sitting downstairs waiting for him and whoever he had in his room to descend and then the third degree would start.  
Well on second thought, knowing how she felt about Robert. She would probably skip the third degree of interrogation, and jump directly to a fit of screaming anger. He sat up, put on a pair of sweatpants and went to the door and put his ear against it. He felt silly. There was no sound in the hallway, and he gestured for Robert to put his clothes on. Then he sneaked out of the door, left Robert standing in the doorway as he sneaked down the stairs. The door to the kitchen was closed, and he managed to sneak Robert out without anyone seeing him. He went in to the kitchen where his mother waited for him with a grin on her face.  
He had to sit down and endure questions during breakfast. He shrugged through most of them, and answered non- comital or not at all to the rest. He hoped she would let the subject go, but it seemed like something that wouldn’t happen in the near future. As soon as he could he escaped to the scrap yard. On his way he texted Robert to say that if he wanted to keep their relationship secret, they would have to be more careful henceforth. He got a thumbs up emoji back. He didn’t really know how to take that answer, but ignored it for now.  
He went on with his day. Tried not to think about anything but work. He sat in the porta cabin doing numbers. Trying not to think. He called around and arranged for some pick up’s. He called Adam and they decided to go together on the one due this afternoon. At lunch he met up with Adam who had spent his morning on the farm. They decided to leave early and went to the scrap yard to get the truck, and drove off. 

As soon as they left the village behind them, Adam started teasing him when he asked about it he got the answer he expected. “Your mother called me this morning, she asked me about your new boyfriend” he laughed. “So now, I’m curious, why haven’t you told me about it?” he asked. Aaron thought about it for a while. “Because it’s nothing serious” he answered. Wondering if it was. Was he serious about Robert? Was Robert serious about him?

Adam continued his chit chatter while Aaron thought, he didn’t listen, he didn’t need to. He just hummed and nodded. In what seemed to be the right places. Adam laughed and seemed pleased with his answers. They go for their pick up and when they are back, they unload the truck. As Aaron is about to leave the yard for the night Adam catches him off guard with a comment. “You know you’re a gonner, don’t ya?” he asks. “You have to tell me about him” he continues. Aaron shrugs and walks off to Adams hearty laugh. He knew he was right.

When he came home he changed into running gear. He hadn’t been on a run for a while and felt the to clear his head and exhaust his body. Just really let his body work all the thoughts away from his mind. As he started his usual track he felt his body and mind ease up. He focused on the run. The pace. The road. The feel of his own muscles. He felt his soul relax. Running back towards the village, the darkness had set. Streetlights met him, and he saw lights in the windows he passed. A car passed him, and he continued running when he heard another car, approaching him from behind.

He knew who was driving without looking. He heard the motor spinning and felt Roberts eyes on him. He stopped. The car stopped. It took about half the blink of his eye to decide to get in the car. Before he knew he had made a conscious decision he was sat in Roberts car, kissing the man fiercely. In the village. Under a streetlight. 

When they broke apart, seconds, minutes, hours later, Robert put his hands on the wheel, and foot on the pedal. Moments later he drove them away from the light, out of sight, and sat just staring straight forward. Aaron did the same.  
Silence stayed, broken by a cough, and then they were at each other’s faces again. This time more secure, and the dark making them braver. Hands started roaming panting and moans were heard. Clothes discarded. The touches between them got more heated and steam covered the car windows. 

Suddenly Aaron broke them apart, panting, and clothes in a mess, Robert’s shirt completely off, both with jeans opened, Aarons slid down with his boxers on his thighs. Half nude, trying to catch his breath. Not looking over at his lover. “We need to talk” he tried and gasped for air. As their breathing became more regular and they corrected their clothes. Aaron tried to find the words he wanted to use. Make full and understandable sentences. It felt like an impossible task at this moment. A couple of minutes passed before he gathered himself so much he could make sense.

“We need to talk about what this is, and how it’s going to be” he said once he found himself again. Robert looked at him. “I don’t know” he shrugged. “I don’t know what this is, but I don’t want to stop”.


	7. Chapter 7

He could hear Robert panting trying to collect his thoughts. Looking down at Aaron’s body. Closing his eyes. Trying again. Not really into it, they were suddenly kissing fiercely again. Trying to collect his thoughts but failing miserably Aaron just let it happen.

It took almost half an hour to catch his breath after they were done. Putting his clothes back on, trying not to look at Robert, which would make him lose the little focus he had, he once again tried. “We really need to talk” he said. “What is this?”. He got Robert’s attention and the man looked at him with confusion in his face. “What do you want from me?”. A smile spread on Robert’s face, “I want everything” he said, “I thought you knew that by now”. Looking at Robert made him all the more confused.

Robert lived in a relationship, weird, but still a relationship with a woman, who was his wife, in a family, that were his. The relationships were weird, but still there. And to everyone else’s knowledge, normal. In their eyes he was married, and happily. In their eyes, he lived with his new family, preferring it to the old. Him and Chrissie, were happy with Lachlan and the father-in-law, Lawrence. He worked with them. Being here with Aaron was a secret, and he didn’t really know where he was in Robert’s life, or why.

Robert sighed. “You know, I’ve explained” he said looking Aaron in the eyes. Aaron measured him with his eyes. “You’ve explained your circumstances, not what you want us to be, how or if you’ll fit me in your life, you’ve not given me a choice, something to choose or not” he tried to explain. Robert suddenly looked irritated. He put the rest of his clothes on, didn’t meet Aaron’s eyes, turned and left, banging the car door.  
Aaron sighed, got out of the car, Robert’s car, way too uncomfortable to have sex in, but not impossible as they’d just proven. He looked at Roberts back, as he was standing a under a tree in the dark. He silently started to walk back towards the pub. Robert turned and watched him. He said something in a low voice. Aaron didn’t hear. He stopped and turned to look at Robert, who still looked pretty irritated. “Sorry” he said, “did you say something”

Robert seemed to take a deep breath. He nodded. Aaron looked at him expectantly. And waited. Silence lingered. He closed his eyes, so he wouldn’t see Robert as he turned and walked away. But as soon as they were closed, he could hear Robert mumbling something. He strained his ears to hear what he said. “Don’t leave”. He definitely heard Robert ask him. He moved closer. It was quiet again. He could hear Roberts breath, he heard him inhale, and in the exhale, he heard it again “Don’t leave, please”. Not much more than a whisper. No sound over the exhale. Just a breath. Aaron opened his eyes. He looked Robert up and down. He looked so confident. So strong. He looked like he was on top of the world, and he looked so lost. All at the same time.

Aaron turned his back. Went up to the car and sat down on the ground with his back to it. He pulled up his knees, rested his arms on them, and hid his head in his hands. “What do you want from me?” he asked again. He could hear Robert move closer. Not really walking, it sounded more like gravitating. Like he was pulled in, coming towards Aaron not because he wanted to, but because he couldn’t help himself. Not until he sat down beside him by the car did Aaron raise his head and look at him before he averted his eyes and looked straight forward instead. They sat there in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it wasn’t completely comfortable either.

It took quite a while before any of them spoke. They didn’t look at each other. It was Robert who ended up breaking the silence. He cleared his throat and started to say something. And stopped before he got any sound out of his mouth. Aaron glanced over at him. He looked more uncomfortable than before. He tried again, “I can’t ask anything from you, I know that” he finally said. His voice low and careful. Aaron sighed. “I want you to ask” he said, “so that I can decide if it’s something I can live with, you know what I want, I just told you awhile ago”. Robert looked at him. It was quiet again.

“I don’t want you to leave, I want to keep you forever. I want this. But I have another life I have promised to keep up appearances in, I can’t ask you to live with that” he said after a few moments that felt like hours. Aaron rested his head back on the car. He smiled. “Thank you” he said. Robert looked at him thoughtfully. He rose to his feet and stood up beside him. “I need to think” he said with a firm voice, “I need to decide what I want, what I can live with, and if” he turned his back, and started to leave. Then he turned back, went over to the spot where Robert sat, looked at him with his hand held out until Robert extended his hand and he pulled him up, into a kiss, before he took a step back. Looked Robert in the eye and said, “thank you for not asking”. With a smile he turned and started to walk back, whistling low. He could feel Robert’s eyes on his back.

When he came in to the pub, the warmth and low noise made him stay in front. His mother served him a pint and he took it and sat down. It didn’t take long before Adam came to join him. He suspected Vic calling him from the kitchen, but didn’t care. It was nice to sit with him. He always made him laugh, and tonight he could avert his thoughts from Robert and making decisions. Within he knew already. He really wanted to be with Robert. What he didn’t know was if he could take the secrecy, he knew secrets had a way of getting out, and bite the ones holding them in the ass. As much as he liked Robert, he needed to figure out if it was worth it. He knew that everyone at Home Farm probably already knew and didn’t care. It was the villagers he was worried about. He knew how they could react, and how he was already on his last straw. The villagers with his mother, and uncle in the front line, didn’t have the patience for another of his failures. He felt a push to his shoulder.

Adam looked at him expectantly. He shook his head and said “sorry”. His friend laughed and gave his arm a shove, “darts?” he repeated. Aaron nodded and as they approached the dartboard, he could feel Robert entering the pub. He could feel rather than see him going up to the counter and heard him ask for Vic.

He missed the dartboard. Adam slapped him in the back and laughed boisterous. It made him smile. He could do this. He aimed his next dart and was happy with the result. He turned and grabbed his beer. He took a gulp and let his eyes wander over to the bar. He tried not to look too obviously at Robert. It was almost impossible. He turned to Adam and engaged himself in a banter about his dart skills, and lack of (knowledgeable) love life.

Adam decided that he needed to go out, again, since the bad luck he’d been told about. He started to protest, but then again. Maybe that was what he needed to make a good decision for himself. They made plans for the next day, and Aaron felt content. He decided to push everything about Robert to the back of his head, until the day after the next. The plans formed and half an hour later when the pub closed they had agreed on everything. Aaron could feel Robert’s eyes on him, and he really tried not to meet his eyes, he succeeded to the most part.  
The evening approached and Aaron got dressed. He didn’t dress up, he didn’t dress down either, he just dressed. Hoddie and jeans. He gelled his hair, and went out to meet Adam. They had decided on Leeds, and left quite early, wanted to grab some food before they went to a bar they both liked. Adam used to joke that he was more popular among the regulars than Aaron, even if they all knew he wasn’t gay. Aaron just smiled, since knew it was the truth.

The night was good, they had beers, conversations, and both of them got hit on. Aaron felt good being seen, and appreciated, but it wasn’t, or didn’t feel right. He went into the men’s room, and sat down in a cubicle. He knew that he had decided. He only needed to let Robert know. He pulled up his cell and composed a text message for him. Before going back into the busy bar. Adam had company at the table and he sat down with them and enjoyed the rest of the evening. They took a taxi home. When it let them off outside the dark and closed pub, Adam gave him a friendly hug, asked if he was going to call the guy who’d given him his phone number. Aaron shrugged, and Adam turned his back and walked towards Keepers Cottage.

Aaron stood under the street light and saw him leave. He sighed and turned and walked in between the houses, to get to the back entrance. When he turned the corner, he saw a shadow leaning against the wall. A smile spread on his face. Robert opened his arms as Aaron approached. It wasn’t perfect. But it was. It still was. Something. They’d work it out.


End file.
